It's past midnight on a school night....

And here I am. Thinking.
Thinking about idiotic things people do and how those things can't be deleted or reversed or erased.
There is no delete button or instant forgiveness rule in which time heals all wounds.
They are there ---  permanently.
Emotional scars that fester when your mind opens the cuts and dwells in the memory.
All it takes is one event. One moment. One sentence.
One incredibly stupid decision followed by an even dumber act...
.. and everything changes.
In an instant. Literally... in an instant.
You could be madly in love or someone's closest friend -
you know... the one who holds all your secrets...
and it all turns.. changes.. on a dime.
And you're left hanging.
Always hanging.
Forever dangling.
Because of one stupid moment.
One poor decision.
One lie.

I work on letting it all go.
I'm good like that.
I actually work at erasing it all...
of tricking myself into forgetting -
not just the bad, but the good too...
because the good reminds me of the bad.
It's a vicious cycle... if I were to allow it to devour me.
Which is would.

So every now and then I give in... and I ponder... and remember...
and even wonder - was it actually worth it?
Because it would all seem even sadder if I were to realize that it wasn't even worth it.

But then again - 
and this is only because I can be one hell of a bitch...
I honestly hope it wasn't.

Because maybe then, after I've long forgotten...
you'll be left to remember.
Always.